if you don't sleep Don’t get me wrong. I can’t stand the silence. I fill every moment with words because when it’s quiet I think and maybe that scares me. So sitting here in the empty common room listening to the fire alarm cheep for lack of batteries every so often is haunting. No sane person is awake at this time in a college. Not when they can be fast asleep and dreaming.
But that’s not where dreams come true, guys. You have to see it and live it and come out here where the silence and failure and emotions are running rampant. You’ve got to live through it and come out a little battered. Sorry if you guys fall but I’m not stopping to help you up. I’d get trampled to.
So yeah. Society. I got off the page. So I’m sitting here and I’m listening to silence and cheeping fire alarms and I’m having this great religious experience where I don’t know how you guys can’t like….see. That doesn’t do it justice but…everything is crystal. Pure unadulterated crystal clear. It’s like suddenly I’m looking into a clear pond but the things I see are so far and few between like a fishes tail and all the scales. No use but so much meaning.
I’m not sure you guys will get this.
But really.
Look at me here. I’m a wreck. Two days almost no sleep and I feel like I could keep going for ages. I feel like there is no weight on my shoulders but the backpack I carry my books in.
And like.
This is irrelevant but I met a girl with the name Justine.
And WHY is it we can’t be naked. Why can’t we all be naked. As soon as I’m naked people look at me and they don’t see my and its odd. It’s like I have more exposed but they see less.
Does that make sense?
And there’s meaning here in the silence and clear waters and I want to share it but I feel like maybe you guys won’t get it.
Like I need to tell you in languages I can’t speak.
Like maybe you should just copy paste my neural pathways into your head and see what happens.
Please.
Just get this one thing.
That when you sit there and its just you and your alone and there is nothing. You are nothing so you have to make something. But sit there in nothing long enough and you become something like this mystic mental dark matter. Like the god particle is really you’re thoughts as a physical thing inside you’re brain tissue.
You. Are. God.
You made him. You keep him alive like an IV drip.
It’s belief, get me?
